People ask me about magic - a lot. What is magic? They expect it to be about something spooky, creepy, or dark. They expect it to be about manipulation. For me, magic is only about being connected to yourself, your environment, and people. This includes 1) a meaningful relationship with nature, 2) trusting serendipity, coincidence, and your intuition, 3) believing and empowering your ability to attract a joyful life, and 4) connecting with the spirit world, particularly those loved ones who have died.
By now, you may have come to realize, I write mainly autobiographical work. It is how I stay open, loving, and whole. So here is my example of the best kind of magic there is. This January, I was looking forward to doing family constellation work, a healing practice, around my issues with my absentee father. While I waited for my schedule to match the practitioner's schedule, I journaled about my feelings and talked it over with friends who had fathers who were not around much during their childhood. I did a Broken Agreement workshop with my friend, Victoria. I wrote a story about looking for a missing father for a Valentine's Day Chica Lit Blog Tour called A Box of Valentines (see below) I tried to find my father through whatever means I had available to me. I hadn't seen him in 14 years and had no information as to where he could be.
I didn't know it at the time, but as I worked through my decision to make peace with him, my father had begun his transition and return to Oneness. In his last days, I believe he was reaching out to me. I believe I heard him calling, and accepted his love and began this relationship of forgiveness and acceptance with him, even though I didn't know what or why I was doing what I was doing.
My father made his transition on Good Friday, March 21. I found out on April 1 - All Fool's Day. I spoke with long lost aunts and uncles - 30 years had passed since I saw or spoke with them. It has been a mixed pleasure, being reunited with my father through his brothers and sisters. They have provided answers as to why he was gone for so long and showed me things about my dad I never knew. He made a really cool pukashell, hematite and crystal necklace I got to keep. He loved nature, especially the ocean, and had practiced Buddhism and yoga. However the most important thing I discovered was that he had always loved me. He regretted leaving when I was young and had never forgiven himself enough to ask my forgiveness. But he loved me.
The day I found about him is not just a mere coincidence, unrelated to anything. All Fool's Day is Pan's Day. My father was an ultimate Peter Pan - The Fool who makes you learn to trust life because he teaches you how to land on your feet. His playthings are the elements. For him, the world is pure joy. This is my father’s message to me.
But honestly, at the same time, not being able to make that connection on the physical plane has been difficult. For as much as we say we can still have that relationship with our loved ones when they’ve crossed over, you miss the hug – particularly the one you rarely got. And since being away from the intensity of hearing that my father loved me and the joyful tears of my relatives, I’ve moved a bit into uncertainty. I began to doubt if my father had cared at all. Perhaps this relationship with him isn’t real? Am I just making it up because it feels good?
So today, in an interview about Rogelia’s House of Magic, the interviewer, asked me lots of wonderful “off the record” questions about people in her life, especially her abuelita, whom she loved dearly and had passed two years ago. She sometimes feels abuelita nearby or dreams about her, but wasn’t sure if it was really her beloved abuelita or not. She could ask for a sign I suggested, however as she told me about all the ways her grandmother made her presence known (the feeling of a hand on her shoulder, a word of comfort during a difficult moment) it became very obvious to me that of course her abuelita was nearby. I was convinced of this truth. You must trust in the unseen, like you trust in love, I said adamantly. You must believe in this joy that you have from her spirit. Then I heard the echo of my words and they seemed as much for me as for her.
You know how it is, that we end up giving the advice we need most?
Paying attention to the signs, feeling that connection, following your instinct, living a serendipitous life in great joy and expectation of the next wonderful “coincidence” is all magic will ever be to me. And you know what? I can't even twitch my nose if I wanted to. I don't need to. The magic swirls around me everyday.